Social Meltdown

I recently went on a spate of disconnection activity. I de-friended everyone on Facebook (a partial Facebook suicide, if you want to call it that), I closed down two of my blogs, I shut down my Flickr, Tumblr, Vimeo and a slew of other on-line accounts and services. I disconnected from my MSN, Yahoo and AIM services (though the account still exist).

It all gets too much and it all seems rather pointless. I kept this blog going though, despite not having done anything of any substance on Chimera for 18 days. I’ve messed around with an Interface pattern and looked at some old graphics. A friend even managed to recover some of my original Chimera graphics for me, which was very nice of him.

I’ve had the usual diversionary episodes like “you don’t have the time” and “you have a family” and “why are you doing this stupid vain thing anyway” and “you can’t code” and “why Chimera?” and “how about this other new, shiny game idea instead? and “won’t you get sacked?”, but they are just that, diversions.

The fact is, I got sick, I lost momentum and that was that.

The secret of progress for me is to gather momentum and to guard it jealously.

I have almost no momentum, so it’s my job now to regain it and pick up from where I left off.

Working Week

 

colour-cycling-atari.png

Now that I’m back to work, finding time to work on Chimera 2010 is going to become increasingly difficult. I confirmed last week what I have known for some time; that to get into the rhythm of coding requires a considerable investment in uninterrupted time. That I was able to achieve last week and it gave me enough momentum to provide a platform for belief.

You know how with exercise, once you start seeing results, that’s when the virtuous circle of feedback starts to really work for you. I suppose I needed to reach that same point here.

So today was my first day back at work. I barely slept a couple of hours last night and had palpitations, neuropathy and a mild hypo to cap it all off. So here I am at the end of the day, exhausted, having achieved nothing, yet.

And I know that the only way I am going to deliver this game, the only way I am going to prove to myself that I can still do this and the only way I am going to scratch this itch that never, ever went away, is to put some work in, no matter how little, every single day. When I stop for a day, I lose momentum. At 44, you have to do anything you can to preserve momentum, because shifting a lardy old arse is harder than shifting a motivated 19-year old with no responsibilities and an unbroken infinity of a canvas stretching out before him.

I have a monstrous headache, my shoulders and neck are seized up in pain, my ankles are swollen and my feet are in agony. My body is telling me to sleep, my mind is telling me to sleep and my heart – is telling me that if I don’t do something, anything today, I might as well give up.

If any of you are reading, I get motivated by support. Please do share your thoughts and ideas with me, I’m all ears.

I’m now going to take a short commercial break.